


Angel in Disguise

by hyunwoo



Series: Angel In Disguise verse [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-14 01:05:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1246930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunwoo/pseuds/hyunwoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve works at a coffee shop with his friend Clint. Once, a beautiful tall and dark haired guy orders mocha and Steve falls in love with him (or at least with the idea of him). Unfortunately, life is not easy and things come in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've had this idea for a long time (something like one year, yeah) but only now I had the guts to write it. Classic Loki angst and Steve being a gentleman. Hope you like all the angst and maybe the fluff that's about to come. Kisses!

Steve moved from Brooklyn to downtown few weeks ago. After saving money for a long time, he now could afford renting an apartment by himself. It was not in the coolest place in the city, but it was all that he could pay by now. Steve was working at a coffee shop for a couple weeks and he was the cashier and along with Clint or Sharon, he worked on the night shift. His boss, Nick, every often made him help with the storage and the cleansing after the shop closed. Steve, being the right and good man he was, always followed the rules.

The big problem about this job was the period. Working from 6 o’ clock until midnight could be really exhausting for someone who also had history of art university to deal with. Rogers was a shy guy, he didn’t had too much vocation to be the popular and social kid. Therefore, Steve had few friends; Bucky, Peggy and Clint.

Clint was the one who helped Steve when he needed to get a job. “It’s not the best job, but hey, all money is welcome,” he said.

It was half an hour before midnight on a Friday night and the shop was empty. Steve and Clint both believed that there were no more costumers to serve at the time and then they started the cleansing. Steve cleaning the espresso machine. Clint doing the dishes. They chatted, Steve told him about his course, how he was tired, sleepy and how his head ached from remembering the tons of essays he had to do for Monday.

“Are you too tired?” Clint asked, drying . “It’s Friday night, you know, wanna hangout or something? Nat is coming, maybe we’re going to a bar.”

“And I’ll be the third wheel? Oh, no thanks.” He smiled, pouring new coffee grain into the grinder.

And then Steve saw him.

Steve tried to not stare. He really did, but he simply couldn’t.

Everything about him hypnotized Steve.

He didn’t even hear the customer entering. As he looked up, the man was silently approaching the counter. His face was handsome and Steve couldn’t think about anyone more handsome but him. As he walked through the place, Steve’s mouth almost fell open. His cheeks got hot and red and he avoided looking directly to the man. He tried to keep his eyes fixed on the money and the buttons and concentrated on his job.

Yet, the man’s face lacked emotion. Steve couldn’t tell if he was tired, or if he had just woken up. He was looking for hints; was he happy, sad, worried, thirsty, anything that could reveal his current mood like the rest of the usual costumers displayed when they came into the store.

Sadly, the man just asked for a mocha and left. As he closed the door, Steve realized that they hadn’t spoken at all, and he hated himself for that. He felt guilty. The stranger was so beautiful, and he was probably never going to see him again.

“Are you ok?” Clint suddenly asked, as the man left the shop. “You were like, spaced out since that guy lef-“ His eyes narrowed and he made a weird noise. “Oh, I got it. You liked him. He was pretty, yeah, I could say that.”

“No-no. It’s not that. Oh God.” Steve went red and covered his face with his hands.

“Of course it was that. The guy showed up and you couldn’t take your eyes from him. You’re red, Steve. I’m not stupid, come on. You’re lucky because it’s me here now because if it was Sharon, she’d be really, really upset.”

“Why?” Steve’s brow furrowed in doubt.

“What? Don’t tell you didn’t know. Oh Steve, come on. She likes you, my dear…”Clint, leaned on the counter, smirking. “Haven’t you noticed that around you she gets all nervous and God, those v-necks…”

“Oh, shut up Clint, please.”

*

The store was quiet and empty. Clint was napping and Steve was reading a book about Raphael Sanzio, taking notes of it in his notebook. He glanced at the clock and only 15 minutes of work was on his way to his comfortable bed. Steve sighed in boredom and all of sudden, he heard the door opening, quietly.

“Oh fuck.” Steve mumbled as he noticed that it was that beautiful stranger from the night before. He kicked Clint lightly and got on his feet, heading to the cashier. The guy asked for the same mocha and left as quiet as he came in.

Much to Steve’s surprise, the man kept showing up at the shop every night for the whole month, some minutes before his shift ended. The only things he heard from this customer were short, fragmented sentences and he had an incredibly soft voice. Steve could only wish he talked more.

Just like the first day, he paid and left with his coffee. He never stayed to drink it in the shop like the rest of the patrons did. Steve didn’t understand why for it was cold outside and dark, since winter was just beginning and the sun wouldn’t be up until 7am or later. And the shop was always warm. He could see the guy was cold because of the red on his wind-beaten cheeks, nose and fingers.

That week in particular, Clint was too busy with his stuff and medical issues so Sharon covered him twice. The blond girl was cute, smart and easygoing. They had small talks, she told him about her college and that this job was only temporary. She needed the money.

“Unfortunately, we all do.” Steve answered, half smiling. “Hm, you work here every day on the night shift when I get the day shift, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I always work with a guy named Josh, ginger and tall. I believe you’ve worked with him once when Clint got the flu. He told me about you.” She pointed, filling the sugar pots.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked, biting his lip. Sharon had been working here for longer than himself, so she probably knew the mysterious guy.

“Yeah, sure.” She smiled.

“There’s a guy…” Steve started, almost whispering. “He comes every day around half to midnight. He asks for Mocha.”

“The hooker?”

Steve blinked a couple of times before being able to ask. “What?”

“Tall guy, dark hair, green eyes... Always in all black.”

Steve didn’t want to, but he nodded. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to nod; he didn’t want Sharon to be right, although apparently she was.

“Yeah, our regulars are not easy to forget. Some people come here more than once, but he comes every day about the same hour. Hookers come often, since they work near here. Haven’t you seen any yet?”

Steve served hookers regularly—males and females. Clint used to chat with them quite a lot since they were quite friendly. But the idea of this guy being one of them, never even crossed his mind.

He didn’t look like one at all. He had very good taste in clothes; he was very sexy without looking trashy. Actually, he wasn’t sexy. He was hot—hot and elegant at the same time. He had such a delicate face that Steve wished he could touch him to see if it was as soft as it looked.

He could bet it was.

“I guess he comes for a coffee when he gets... When he gets a break. I don’t blame him, he keeps standing out there for hours, it’s really cold outside,” Sharon kept talking.

Steve looked down to his shoes. His co-worker was practically crushing his world, turning it to dust.

“Oh my God” The blond made a face and covered her mouth with her delicate fingers. “I’m so sorry, Steve. Clint told me about your crush on a guy but I didn’t eve- Oh, I’m really sorry. I’m guessing you didn’t know he was a hooker.”

“Well, no,” he admitted. “The guy never talks. The others speak to Clint and their outfits make their profession quite obvious. But that guy, it was not obvious.”

“Well, it is quite obvious actually,” Sharon took Steve by his hand and lead him to the glass window. Once there, she pointed outside. “Because he works right there.”

And there he was, standing in the opposite corner, across the street. At the very moment Steve caught sight of him, a car pulled over in front of him, and he started walking towards it. He turned around quickly, refusing to look.

Sharon chuckled. “You know, he’s really handsome. If you like the guy, talk to him sometime.”

“What?” Steve nearly choked on his own spit. “I-I don’t like him. I was just curious.”

“Yeah, right.” The girl rolled her eyes, smiling sadly.

Yet, Steve was disturbed. This precious guy was being picked up by some strange-potential-psycho, to do things he didn’t even want to think about.

“Don’t be sad. I knew it and Clint knew it too. He was like, not sure if he should tell you or not. He asked me to tell you if ever asked and quoting Clint: Look at the bright side. He’s easier than any other guy you could want. I wish I had that luck. However, that’s lame. I don’t think it really works like this. If the thing has feelings, you know.”

“Yeah…” He whispered, looking around, avoiding her eyes.

“I’m going to turn off the oven or the cookies will get burned. Excuse me.” Sharon said, heading quickly to the kitchen.

Despite the fact that Steve didn’t want to look, he kept glancing through the window. He learned a lot about hookers ever since he started working night shifts since they talked a lot with Clint. Not that they were always telling Clint the things they did, but he overheard several creepy stories about their clients. He had to say that you have to have a lot of strength to be a hooker.

About an hour later, Steve heard the sound of a car door being shut. He looked through the window, as the car he saw before was leaving and the man was now back in place, on the corner, leaning against the street light, closing his eyes and lightening a cigarette.  
In that night, Steve felt his heart breaking into a million pieces.

*

It was a Thursday night, a month and a half after Steve saw him for the first time, when things with the mystery guy went a little farther. But not in the way Steve wished. Today, he had Sharon working with him.

The blonde’s attention was fixed on the dark discolorations on his face and in his uneasy way of walking. He was taught it was rude to stare, but it was impossible not to do it. The man had fresh bruises over his face, his jaw. Steve noticed a thin line of fresh blood running by the corner of his lips and how his usual perfect hair was all tossed. The guy walked into the shop like any other day. Steve only could take a closer look at him when he reached the counter.

He had a big bruise forming under his right cheek, one close to his eye on the same side of his face, and another, smaller but still noticeable, on the left side of his neck. He was also sucking on his lower lip; which Steve guessed it was hurt too. To complete the look, his clothes were a total mess.

He asked for his daily mocha, and Sharon, who was quiet cleaning the tables, went to the counter and started preparing it. She was watching him from the corner of her blue eyes, but trying to be discrete. Steve, however, made no attempt on hiding it. God, he needed to ask.

“Are you okay?” He asked and the realized how stupid that question was because it was obvious he wasn’t.

“Do I look okay?” Although he was being sarcastic, his voice was flat. Like always.

“What happened?” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“Men can get quite unpredictable when they drink.” The guy said, sarcastic but still soft.

No, Steve didn’t want to know. Some guy had beaten him. It made his blood boil.

“I’m so-.” He tried.

“Please, just give me my coffee so I can go home,” Steve was cut off.

Steve said nothing more. He kept seeing him from the corner of his eyes that the bruised man, who sat slowly at one of the tall stools on the counter, wasn’t in the mood. Then he placed his elbow on the bar, and rested his forehead on his hand, closing his eyes.

This was a very odd behavior coming from the man so Steve immediately thought that he was far from being felling okay. He had never sat. Of course, he had never come into the store beaten and bruised either.

“Here you go,” Sharon said softly as she finished preparing the coffee and placing it on the counter. Yet, she didn’t bother to hand it to him.

The customer looked up, blinked a couple of times to stare at the cup of hot and fresh coffee. He tried to stand up, but he almost fell to the floor, if it hadn’t been for Steve extending his arms over the bar to hold his shoulders.

Steve steadied him and helped him into the chair.

“I’m just a little dizzy,” the customer said, placing his elbows on the counter again, pressing his forehead to his hand.

Steve left his place behind the counter and moved to the bruised man.

“I’m okay. I’ll go home now,” the man intended to stand, but when he did he stumbled a little and Steve held him before he fell to the floor again.

“God! You are not okay. You can’t go like this.” He said, serious tone echoing in the shop.

“I really don’t want to stay here, you know.”

“Let me walk you home,” Steve offered without thinking. Yet, he was quite pleased with this improvisation.

“What?”

“I’ll take you home. You’re in bad shape. I don’t want you to pass out in the middle of the streets and I guess you don’t want that either.”

Steve knew that if he let him answer, he was going to say no, so before the other man could say anything, he placed him in his chair for the last time, and went to the counter.

“Is it ok if you hold on alone for a bit? I’ll try to be back as fast as I can.”

Steve heard a dull, “Okay” as he went back to the front; where the man was still sitting, leaning against the counter, with his eyes closed.

“Hey,” Steve called softly, hoping he wasn’t passed out. He relaxed when the man opened his eyes slowly. “You think you can walk?” he asked in a calm tone, getting closer to the other man.  
“I live three blocks from here. It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” He was concerned.

“Yes.”

Steve helped the man stand up. He may have hit his head, because his walk faltered and his knees shook, he took him with both arms, feeling the other man holding back tightly, like he was going to fall. The blonde was sure that would happen if he let go.

Both of them left the coffee shop, and Steve spoke, “Okay, you’ll have to lead the way now.”

“That way,” the man in his arms said, pointing to the left.

Steve feared the man was going to pass out since he was very dizzy. He wanted to ask the exact address, in case he did. The idea of leaving the man on his own while he was in such a horrible state wasn’t very appealing.

“566 Linden Blvd,” Steve was informed. The other man was probably thinking the same thing.

“Okay, I’ll get you there.”

They walked slowly. Steve was feeling heavier by the second since it was extremely hard for the other to keep steady and stay on his feet. They walked down three blocks and took a left and reached the front door of his building. After taking his keys out of his pocket the man was unable to place it inside the lock.

He highly doubted he would make it to his apartment successfully.

“Here, let me,” Steve took the keys from him and opened the door.

The hall was completely dark. The only available light was very dim and continuously flickering, coming from the elevator at the end of the hall. They got into it, and then the man spoke before Steve could ask.

“Second.”

Steve pressed the button, and after making a loud noise and shaking a little, the elevator lifted very slowly.

He turned his eyes to the man on his side, who was still pressed against him, but leaned against the wall, face up, eyes closed.

“God, he’s so beautiful,” Steve thought, amazed at how those horrible bruises didn’t take away his beauty. In a tragic way, he still looked breathtaking.

A strenuous grinding sound announced they were on the second floor. Steve opened the door, taking the man in his arms again. He could barely see anything. There were no windows and it was dark. They were in a short corridor, and the man led the way towards the end of it. Steve took the keys and opened the door of the apartment before the other man could even try, and then he heard him speak.

“I’ll go from here.” Steve said, smiling and taking a few steps behind. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

The other man nodded, “My bed is near, and I just want to sleep.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you. Good night.”

“Bye.” Steve whispered more to himself than anything as the man closed the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! As promissed, I posted the second chapter as soon as I could. Third is on the way! Hope you all like it!  
> Enjoy :)

The following Monday night, Steve finally found out the guy’s name.

At the usual hour, the man walked into the coffee shop. Steve was sure he had covered his bruises with make up or something, because there was no way bruises like the ones he had on his face two days ago had faded so quickly.

“Are you better?” Steve asked and received a nod as an answer.

Having the coffee ready, he gathered all of his courage.

“I’ve never asked you,” Steve started. “What’s your name?”

The man just stared at Steve with the same blank expression as usual. Emptiness was something his voice seemed to share with his face. Since Steve didn’t receive an answer right away, he thought that maybe he was making him uncomfortable, so he decided to introduce himself first, as a friendly gesture.

“I’m Rogers. Steve Rogers.”

Rogers hated this guy so much. Not him actually. He hated the effect the man had on him. He was used to being nervous around people, lost in words or saying dumb things, but with this guy things were a lot worse. If the man found him stupid, he was careful enough to not show signs of it, for which Steve and his pride were eternally grateful. He just stared for a few seconds and finally said.

“Loki.”

Steve nodded taking mental note of the name. On the inside he was happy, but he didn’t necessarily show it. He was trying to avoid looking like an even bigger idiot. He was sick of thinking about him as the beautiful stranger let alone the looker. Now having his name, he could also ask Clint to stop calling him “That pretty hooker of yours” like he always did.

“May I have my coffee now, please?” Loki asked, tilting his head a little to the left.

“Oh my, Lord! I’m so sorry,” Steve then realized that he zoned out for too long with his client’s order still on his hands. He gave Loki – the name felt good to pronounce - the coffee, and after paying for it, he turned and left.

“Good bye, Steve Rogers,” Loki said as he reached the door.

                                                                                                         *

“Why are you so smiley?” Clint asked. He was coming from the back of the shop, holding a package of sugar and a box of milk.

“His name,” Steve announced quietly, “is Loki.”

“So you finally asked him?” Clint questioned, putting the box and the pack both on the counter. “Didn’t he tell you call me whatever you want?” He asked, making what he apparently thought was a sexy voice, blowing him a kiss and winking.

“You are disgusting, Barton.” Steve said, rolling his eyes and tightening the knot of his apron.

Clint laughed. “Well, I have to say that was a very quick move. It only took you more than a month to find out his name. Maybe three months from now, you’ll have the courage to ask him how much he charges for a lay!”

“Disgusting and idiotic,” Steve affirmed.

Steve considered that getting Loki’s name was an incredibly big step in the right direction for their relationship. But now he wanted to go for a little more, hoping that the rest would not be so hard. He liked to believe that it was just a matter of breaking the ice, and things from now on, would be easier. Their relationship – if he could say that - did move forward since in just three days, he got to know the name and the address of the man. Not mentioning that he had also been at his place twice.

Steve felt it was time to stop acting dumb and start trying to make some conversation with Loki. He was a grown man; he couldn’t let his fear get the best of him.

  
                                                                                                        *

“This paint is beautiful,” Steve said, glancing the art magazine Loki was flipping through on the counter while Clint prepared his coffee. Loki didn’t say anything and turned away from Steve’s eyes, uninterested on the conversation Steve was trying to start. “Do you like Dalí? Surrealism and stuff? ”He added, not knowing if he was pushing too much.

Loki shrugged. Clint stared at Steve in a way that clearly said what kind of answer was that?

“You like art?” Steve tried once more.

“Who doesn’t?” Loki questioned, sharp.

Fuck.

“I love art. I’m studying art history, you know, it’s fascinating. I’ve even had some of my paints in an exhibition twice,”

“And now you’re here, serving me coffee.”

That hurt. It wasn’t like Steve wasn’t going to find a job as an artist or that had to do with what he was studying in college. But he had even finished college yet. Art was his passion, but he needed money to pay college and his rent and everything.

“I used to paint,” Loki said lowly and Steve liked to think that although he didn’t seem to be, the man felt guilty for his previous comment.

“Really?” That was the first personal thing Steve knew about Loki and it was also a great thing to start a conversation. “What happened?”

“Life,”

Loki seemed to have the power to ruin any sort of conversation Steve could start. He always knew exactly what to say to end the discussion sharply, leaving Steve speechless and wanting to throw himself from a building. He gave answers that Steve found hard to reply to, answers that also never gave anything away.

Every often in that night, Steve caught himself still trying to figure out what he could have said to Loki if he could go back on time.

                                                                                                        *

The TV was on that Thursday night. The biography of the greatest actors from the 50’s was being showed and once again – and because of Clint being an annoying friend - Steve decided to start a conversation. “That’s my favorite actor,” he said pointing at the screen with a movement of his head.

Loki looked as well but said nothing, so Steve continued. “I’ve always wanted to act, but I never had the guts,”

“You should hurry up then. At your age, he was already an Oscar winner.” Loki said, grabbing the hot cup of coffee and leaving the shop.

  
                                                                                                        *

  
It rained the whole day and it finally stopped at night. Clint showed up sneezing and coughing and Steve was obviously worried. He asked if he okay and gave him some aspirins and Jasmine tea since Clint had already claimed being sick of coffee.

Once Loki got in the store, later that night, Steve had a ridiculous idea. He was almost sure it was not going to work, but he tried it anyway. Loki ordered and paid for his mocha and without saying another word, leaned in the counter, eyes wondering here and there. Knowing that Loki was at least, polite, he faked a sneeze.

“Bless you,”

Not much, but it was something. Steve spent the time while preparing the coffee rubbing his nose until it got red and coughing loudly, but taking care to not be too exaggerated, because he didn’t want Loki to know he was faking.

“I’m sorry for your flu, but try to not cough over my coffee.” Loki said, his expression blank and tedious as he watched Steve managing the espresso machine.

“Here,” Steve offered upset, as he saw Loki leave.

Clint walked in from the staff room in a deplorable state. He looked tired and really sick. It was not going to be a surprise if Sharon appeared to cover him the next day.

“I think I got you sick too, I heard you coughing from the back.” Barton said, scrapping the back of his neck.

“I’m not sick, Clint,” Steve admitted, leaving the counter and heading to the tables. He started to clean then when he finally said. “I was faking.”

“You were faking sick? How old are you?” Clint asked before starting to sneeze repeatedly.

“Bless you,” Steve said handling him a napkin. “I just wanted him to at least, ask me if I was okay or something. Obviously, it didn’t work,” Rogers said bitterly.

Steve was getting really upset. He had thought of giving up about all this stuff but he decided that Loki was not going to win. He was going to make Loki care, to fall in love, no matter what.

“Steve, you are trying too hard,” Clint said. “And you are not even asking the right question, you know.”

“What would that be?”

“How about how much for the night, baby?” Clint suggested.

“You are an idiot, Clint. I’ve already told you.” Steve said.

“And you’re lame.” He replied, crossing his arms.

“I’m not. I don’t want to pay him to like me! I want him to like me for free.”

“Dude, don’t be so stingy and pay the guy! Dear Lord, the things that people are capable of just to save a little money!”

“I won’t discuss with you, Clint. But if you weren’t my friend, I’d punch you right on your face.”

“C’mon, Steve, give us a break,” Clint elevated his tone. “You don’t even know him. The only thing you know about him, is that he fucks for a living, and that’s not a very outstanding quality. Is he really worth all this trouble?”

Steve didn’t reply because deep inside he knew Loki was worth it. That once he could bring down that stupid wall that Loki kept holding up between them, he knew it was going to be amazing.

  
He just wondered when he was going to be able to do that.

                                                                                                        *

  
“Steve, chill out.” Clint said as he spotted his friend looking anxiously out the window.

“He was picked up about three hours ago,” Steve murmured. “He always goes for only two.”

“He maybe in a party, you know,” Barton mumbled, more to himself them anything.

“Shut up,”

Despite the fact that the incident with the drunken client was now in the past, Steve never stopped worrying. Ever since that day, he always checked from the window when Loki was being picked up and the countdown for his return would start almost instantly.

It was the worst part of the day. He was thankful that when his shift ended, at midnight, Loki’s was almost at the beginning and he didn’t have to watch him the whole night being picked up by men. However, the thought of him being picked up when he wasn’t there, made him worried.

Steve learned to live with it after some time. The first days after the incident, he was absolutely paranoid. Now, he tried not to think of the fact that every guy picking Loki up was a potential killer and that Loki could be stabbed, dismembered and thrown in a river.

But he was still alert, always taking mental notes of the cars and the hour that Loki was being picked up, just in case he’d have to tell the cops about it later on.

“There are men who pay for the night, you know?” Clint said as they entered the shop and headed to the staff room.

  
It was a quarter to six and they were trading shifts. They eventually met Sharon and that ginger boy gathering their stuff and when she spotted them, Sharon gave Steve a warm smile. She walked in their direction, holding her purse and checking her cell phone. She looked at him and shook her head to the left, pointing to a corner. Steve could read something like _Can I talk to you_ on her thin rosy lips.

  
“Hey… I’ve been thinking about, you know, about _that guy_.” Sharon started, playing with her the zipper of her blue leather purse. “Since he showed up all bruised and bleeding that night, I know you got worried about him, about his job, about the people who pick him up. Clint tells me what happens when we meet here when we’re trading shifts. He tells me how worried you get. He told me you and him almost got into a fight because of this guy. I know it can be hard for you because you care, but you gotta know that he’s not the only one doing this. There are thousands of people out there, doing what he does. And Steve, nothing is going to happen. Not all men who pay for sex are perverts and psychos.”

“I beg to differ,” Steve said bitterly with his eyes fixed on her golden locks. “You should hear some of the little stories the hookers tell Clint. And you saw Loki’s face that night.”

“I know, I know,” Sharon replied smiling but tiredly. After that night, Steve talked about what happened with Loki over and over again for her and Clint. “That’s why I’ve gotta an idea.”

                                                                                                        *

“Why… Why do you do this?” Steve asked. It was a question with a double meaning. He may have been able to get some information about what led Loki to work doing what he did and it also helped Steve release some of the tension he held since Loki had spent forever with the client in the red mustang.

“I have this weird habit of feeding myself daily.”

Steve welcomed Loki words. At least he wasn’t pissed off about the personal question. He never showed any emotion, actually.

And Steve tried to look for something positive in his answer. Now he knew that Loki ate every day. He could almost hear Clint saying, “Everybody eats every day,” but that was not true. Anorexic people didn’t and now he knew Loki wasn’t anorexic or something. It was a bit of a silver lining.

                                                                                                        *

On Saturday, Steve was asked to cover one of the employees that worked on weekend shifts who couldn’t make it that day. Steve gladly accepted.

It was more crowded than it was on the weekdays, and he liked that. Yet, he liked having the whole place to himself a bit better, and being able to watch Loki through the window. Loki didn’t seem to work on Saturdays since Steve didn’t see him that night, which was the reason he went home feeling a bit gloomy.

But he drank mocha in Loki’s honor before leaving the place.

When Steve arrived at the store that following Monday, he ran into a short brunette girl and that was something odd. He was informed later that the employee he replaced the previous day was there to return the favor; that way Steve could get back the day off he missed.

After saying good bye to Clint, Steve went back to his motorcycle. Loki was the first thing he noticed when he closed the door. The man was already on his corner and Steve looked at him intensely for a while, thinking that maybe it was time to put into practice Sharon’s idea.

He turned his motorcycle on, and before heading home, he made a quick stop.

“Hey, Loki,” he called as he pulled over in front of the man who leaning against the wall. The man looked annoyed.

“What do you want, Steve Rogers?” Loki asked in a flat tone.

“How much for the whole night?” Steve finally dared to ask. His first intention was to sound cool with himself. And he didn’t sound cool at all, but he was pleased that he could hide his anxiety.

“What?”

“I said h-”

“I heard you, I’m not deaf,” Loki cut him, sharp. “I just… I never thought you were one of those guys.”

Steve was embarrassed. But Loki kept shooting him down, and Steve was determinate to gain his appreciation, no matter what.

He spent more than three weeks trying to get Loki to converse and it wasn’t working. It was time to try something more drastic. This was not the fanciest way he can tell. But he had to start somehow. Loki didn’t leave too many options open.

“How much then?”

Loki sighed. He had an odd expression on his face that Steve couldn’t figure out really well.

  
“Three hundred. And you can do whatever you want,” Loki concluded after a few seconds of deep thinking. “But kissing,” he added.

Asking for the price—Steve hated the word but he couldn’t find another way to express it—was just a mere inconvenience. He was going to pay whatever Loki asked for. Besides, Steve had never paid for sex in the past, so he didn’t know how much people usually paid. Not that he cared. Money was an issue for him, yes, but he knew he could find a way to pay his bills.

That’s why Steve didn’t hesitate. “Okay. Get in.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here's the third chapter! I don't believe that this fanfiction will get too long, there might be only a few chapters but if you want, them I can make it longer! It's up to you guys, tell me what you think!  
> Hope you like this one :)

  
The drive was silent and Steve didn’t really expect anything different.  
  
He hated it though. He had never been with Loki for such a long time. Their meetings always lasted about five minutes. Except the time that Loki got hurt, but it wasn’t the right moment to think about hooking up.   
  
Despite the fact, that it was at least a comfortable silence, Steve hated it. He enjoyed silence when he was alone. He craved quietness. But he didn’t enjoy it when he was with someone else. If he had company, he wanted to talk and people usually wanted to talk to him as well, so everybody won.  
  
Loki was different though. He never seemed to have any desire to speak with Steve more than to ask for his coffee. He was even polite enough to never tell Steve to shut up every time he started talking.  
  
But Steve was no fool and Loki’s body language was way too loud and clearly asked Steve to stop talking. It was evident that Loki was not interested in having any conversation with him. That hurt Steve a lot. He was so curious about Loki, and the more he got shot down, the more interested he was. He was sure Loki was special. He was already special to him, that’s why Steve wanted to know everything about the younger man.  
  
Before arriving home, Steve made a quick stop at a cash machine since he never carried more money than what he needed to buy things with. A few minutes later, they arrived at his apartment.  
  
“Please, take a seat,” Steve offered Loki, pointing the couch. Loki, a little cautious complied.  
  
“Want something to drink?” Steve asked on his way to the kitchen.  
  
“Yeah...Sure.”   
  
“What would you like?” Steve asked, looking at Loki from the kitchen’s door.  
  
“Whatever you have is fine, as long as it’s not alcohol.”   
  
He considered grabbing a glass of wine when he sees the bottle on the fridge, but then remembered what Loki said about how clients could get unpredictable when they were drunk. Of course Steve knew his own limits and there was no way he would get drunk by having just one glass, but Loki didn’t know that and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Instead, he took two cans of Coke and went back to the living room.  
  
Gus, his puppy French bulldog, appeared from under the couch between Loki's legs. The man gave a little jolt that made Steve smile.   
  
There was something different in Loki’s eyes when he looked at Gus. He didn’t have that blank expression, Steve could tell that deep inside, he was smiling. Or something like that.   
  
Steve realized that that is the closest thing to a smile he ever got from Loki or to any positive emotion. Ever since they met, Loki was always polite but distant and cold at the same time or a bit bitchy if he could muster the energy to it.   
  
He didn’t speak a lot, but those death glares he used to give Steve hurt way more than a thousand swears or punches. But now, it was clear that Loki did have a heart. Loki seemed to like Gus and he held that rare tiny smile on his lips, his fingers tapping his tights rhythmically.   
  
“Do you have any pets?”  
  
“Me?” Loki questioned, arching a brow. “Pff hell no. I can barely take care of myself.”  
  
Fuck, Loki did that again. The man knew how to answer something in a polite way but sharp enough to make Steve stop pressing the conversation. It left Steve in that recurring and odd situation, where he was not able to tell if he should just keep his mouth shut or try a little harder.  
  
Steve in the meantime was trying to figure out what to do next, yet Loki took the initiative probably after seeing Steve totally clueless. “Want to go to you room or-“  
  
“That would be fine,” Steve said, getting up, leading the way to his bedroom.  
  
Loki walked behind him and after Steve turned on the lights, Loki asked, “So what would you like to do?”  
  
“I was thinking that… Maybe we could watch a movie?” Steve said unsurely.  
  
Loki looked blankly for a few seconds trying to figure out where Steve was going with this. In fact, Loki had that puzzled face teens used to wear when they did not understand what the math teacher had just explained.

“You are me paying 200 dollars to watch a movie,” Loki said, the statement half-question, half-fact.  
  
“You said that I can do whatever I want.”  
  
“I’m a hooker, in case you didn’t notice,” Loki said, raising both hands. “I thought it was clear I was talking about sex.”  
  
“I just want you to watch this with me. Is it too much to ask?” Steve asked, polite and soft as ever.

“Whatever. It’s your money anyways,” The man said and he didn’t argue anymore. Instead, he sat on the bed and untied his shoes. He took off his leather jacket and place it on a chair, putting his shoes right beside it. Loki sat on the bed once again, trying to find a comfortable position next to Steve’s side, grabbing one his pillows and hugging it.

Steve was quiet, watching Loki as he crawled his bed and leaned his back on the headboard. He knew he was staring, so he spun around and started choosing a movie.

“What kind of movie you like?“ Steve asked, trying to break the tension.

“Why do you care? You’re the one paying,”  
  
Steve sighed, knowing that Loki was never going to be an easy talk.

“Just because you are a...” Steve had a lot of troubles using the words whore or hooker, so he just couldn’t pronounce them. He’d always just suggest the word, but never say it. Steve was aware of Loki’s work and but he couldn’t help thinking it was degrading. He was sure Loki deserved much better.   
  
“A hooker, Steve Rogers. I’m a hooker.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean you haven’t got an opinion.”   
  
Steve remembered the two times he went to Loki apartment and he saw a great collection of books and movies on a shelf, so Loki obviously had a genre preference.

“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t bring my movie bucket list. I wasn’t aware of the fact that we were having a cinema session.”  
  
Steve walked to the TV drawer and took a black box and handed it to Loki. “Here, have this. You can choose one while I make some popcorn.”  
  
Loki said nothing. He took the box and started reading the titles quietly. Steve went to the kitchen and while he heated a pan with butter, he started wondering about his feelings.  
  
Mainly, he was feeling stupid. Loki made him feel stupid, constantly, and that was so not the image he wanted Loki to have of him, yet the look on the man’s face was screaming _You’re ridiculous_ the majority of the time.  
  
Steve was anxious. He was going to share a bed with Loki in a few minutes. He didn’t even want to watch a movie and he knew that even if the movie Loki picked was one his favorites, he wouldn’t give a damn for it. The fact was that Loki was going to be on his bed, beside him. Steve dreamed countless times, what it would be like to be with Loki at his side. He wondered how he would he look, and if his scent would stick to the sheets, so the following day when Steve got into bed again— on the side that Loki slept – he could still smell him.  
  
He was dying to touch him, and probably it was what Steve couldn’t get over that added to his anxiety.  
  
 _So close and yet so far_ , Steve thought. He just wanted to hold Loki, and caress him, and run his hands through his hair and maybe even kiss him if Loki would let him.   
  
Of course, he wanted to have sex with him too because he does lust after Loki, more than he lets on. Steve was aware of the fact that tonight he would have let him. He could do whatever he wanted as Loki had told him earlier. But he didn’t want Loki with him because he had to be, forced together because of money. He wanted Loki to want to be held, caressed, kissed and fucked the same way Steve wanted. Yet Loki was never willing to speak to him, he wouldn’t even want Steve to touch him, let alone be intimate.  
  
Loki walked into the kitchen on his heels, quiet and never giving hints of fun or amusement. He ran his long and elegant fingers through the bookshelf, reading the titles. Steve had been collecting a lot of recipe books since he was seventeen, when Peggy gave him one when he complaint about not being able to cook even a fried egg for himself. He placed them next to the white kitchen closet he had bought before moving.   
  
“You can… You know, you can wait there.” Steve didn’t know what words to choose, so he just pointed to the bedroom. However, Loki didn’t move, he just tilted his head and crossed his arms.

“Why are you doing this?” Loki questioned, voice cracking and puzzled expression.

“Did you choose the movie yet?” Steve replied, ignoring the previous question and placing the popcorn into two bowls.

"Yes," he answered quietly and handed him the movie. _Rear Window, one of Hitchock's classics. The guy has great taste,_ Steve thought, turning the DVD and the TV on.

“Your bed is comfortable,” Loki commented when Steve sat beside him. He noticed it was the first positive thing Loki ever said to him.

“Thanks.” Steve muttered. “Enjoy the movie then, Loki.” he said after some uncomfortable silence, turning the lights off.

After five minutes, in the dim light of the TV and the of the buzzing voices of the character dialogues, Steve could swear he heard Loki reply ever so softly.  
  
“Enjoy it too, Steve Rogers.”

  
  
                                                                                                                                *

 

  
“You took him home? I can’t believe it Steve!” Clint said, “Man, now I see you effort! So how did it go!? Was he good?” He asked. “Well, that must be a stupid question of me because he’s a hooker, so it’s obvious he’s good…” He whispered, like he was talking to himself.  
  
Steve immediately regretted having mentioned to Clint that he took Loki to his place last night.  
  
“Tell me! I want the gossip!” Clint demanded, excitedly.   
  
“Well, I wouldn’t know if he is good.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“We didn’t…”  
  
“Please, tell me you did what I think you didn’t,” Clint asked Steve, forcing his smile.  
  
“We didn’t have sex.” Steve admitted.  
  
Clint brought his palm to his face so hard that Steve was sure there was going to be a mark later. “And what did you two do all night?! Play Scramble?! Jesus, Steve!”

“We just watched a movie,” Steve said simply. “Well, I did actually. Loki slept after the very first twenty minutes.”  
  
“You paid him to sleep!” Clint almost shouted, frustrated. “Oh, my God! Steve this is so... You! I swear that if it wasn’t because you were my friend, I’d beat you up to see if you wake up some time! He slept but you didn’t, what did you do? Tell me you jacked off at least!”  
  
“You’re sick!” Steve said, disgusted.   
  
“Jesus. You watched the guy sleep… This must be some kind of kinky shit you’ve got. I hope it was worth it, although I can’t figure out how to pay a whore to sleep instead of having sex.”

  
To Steve, it had been totally worth it.

  
*

  
  
The second night Loki slept at his house; Steve learned that Loki was the heaviest sleeper.  
  
He found out accidentally, after tripping over Gus’s toy bone when he was walking back to bed after going to the kitchen to get some soda. He landed in bed over Loki. He was sure he hit the sleeping man’s hip with his elbow. He hurried to apologize, but he just found Loki still, unperturbed and peacefully sleeping.   
  
Knowing that now, Steve couldn’t hold back and caressed Loki even more the rest of that night. He ran his hand through his raven hair and his soft pale skin. In his sleeping state, sometimes Loki answered Steve’s affections by sighing calmly or relaxing his body as Steve caressed him. When Loki deeply sighed after rolling on the bed and pressing his body to Steve’s, Steve thought he was actually going to die of happiness.  
  
Before Loki woke up, Steve moved away from him, placing him comfortably back to his side of the bed avoiding any contact and pretending he was asleep. Loki only woke up when the alarm clock rang extremely loudly. Any normal person would’ve heard the alarm a long time ago, but Steve kept pretending he was asleep, since he wanted Loki to wake up first.  
  
Steve thought that if Loki thought that he was asleep and woke up before Steve, he’d feel more comfortable. Like that way he can be sure that Steve is sleeping, he won’t be caught off his guard.  
  
The alarm clock was turned off by Loki. Steve felt the other man laying back, heard him yawning and sitting after a few seconds. Since Loki was totally oblivious of what happened during the night, never suspecting, Steve thought that he might be a huge pervert.

Before taking him back to his place, Steve caught Loki waiting for him to close the door, looking at a bruise he had on his hip. Loki was frowning; probably trying to figure out how that bruise got there while completely unaware that Steve was already in the room.  
  
“I’m sorry about that,” Steve apologized and Loki looked up. “I tripped over one of Gus’s toys when I was heading back to bed from the kitchen last night; I hit you with my elbow.” Loki remained silent. “I’m really, really sorry, I didn’t mean-.”   
  
“It’s okay. It was an accident,” Loki said pulling down his shirt, covering the purple spot on his skin. “Aren't you late for your college?” Loki asked, looking at the clock and then Steve mumbled a yes, grabbing his backpack and his books quicky. "Then move."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, I've been busy with school stuff :(  
> Promise I'll try to be faster ok? Thank you guys and great reading!

Despite spring having started early that year, it was still cold at night and they were both tucked in with the sheets and duvet close to their necks.  
  
Steve was pressed against Loki’s back with his arms wrapping tightly around the sleeping man.  
  
Around 4 am, much to Steve’s delight, it started raining heavily. He got up to open the windows of the room to hear the sound of the pouring rain much clearer and the chilly breeze filling the room.  
  
He went back to bed, returning to his previous warm position.  
  
Later the same morning, Steve left Loki’s side to go to the bakery for cupcakes. Not knowing what Loki would like, he bought all kinds of cupcakes hoping at least one of them, would be Loki friendly.  
  
 _“If he even likes cupcakes,”_ Steve thought on his way back home.  
  
He made hot cocoa, put everything on a big tray and walked into the bedroom. Loki was, of course, still asleep. Steve smiled to himself feeling guilty about having to wake him up.  
  
“Hey Loki,” Steve called softly shaking him a little, knowing it wouldn’t work. Loki only woke up if the alarm clock was ringing loudly and shaking him wouldn’t work either. He had already hit Loki in his sleep and he didn’t even flinch, let alone move an inch when Steve repositioned him during the night. He set the alarm clock to ring at that very moment, and it started ringing in his hands as he waited for the younger man to wake up.  
  
When Loki finally opened his eyes softly, Steve turned the alarm off. Loki seemed to realize that it hadn’t been him the one silencing the alarm clock and sat up quickly, finding the other man sitting at the end of the bed.  
  
Loki looked at him confused and very sleepy.  
  
“Good morning,” Steve smiled warmly.  
  
“Morning,” Loki mumbled.  
  
“I made got us breakfast,” he said motioning the big tray and Loki just took a look at the tray filled with all kind of tasty things set in the middle of the bed.  
  
“You didn’t have to,” he finally said quietly.  
  
“It’s okay. I never had breakfast in bed, and this morning is perfect for it, don’t you think?”  
  
Loki nodded slowly rubbing his eyes.  
  
“I made hot cocoa. But if you want coffee I can make-”  
  
“It’s fine.”  
  
Steve handed Loki the mug of hot cocoa. “I didn’t know what you like, so I bought a bit of everything,” Steve said, “You like cupcakes, don’t you?”  
  
Loki didn’t answer. After looking at the tray with a little apprehension, he took a strawberry cupcake filled with cream so Steve made a mental note of that. It could be a useful tip in the future.  
  
They shared a very quiet breakfast. Loki barely looked at Steve. He just had his eyes fixed on the window, looking at the pouring rain, drinking his hot cocoa in short sips and grabbing the mini cupcakes without making any noise at all.  
  
Steve was glad that Loki was not staring at him because he couldn’t take his eyes away from him.  
  
He was always amazed at the fact that Loki never stopped looking beautiful. He was just sitting with his back against the headboard, holding the mug in his hands, sleepy face and hair mussed and going in all directions, looking calm and collected, serene almost.  
  
Steve just wished he would talk.  
  
Gus jumped onto the bed curling himself quickly into Loki’s lap, distracting him from the view. Steve started feeling a little jealous of his own dog ignoring him while in Loki’s presence.  
  
As Gus sniffed the food the man was holding, Loki placed his mug of hot cocoa on the nightstand. Using his finger, he took a little bit of icing off his cupcake and offered it for the puppy, who went crazy and eagerly, licked it off his finger.  
  
Steve also wished he was his dog because it was clear that Loki liked Gus better than his owner. And he must admit, he wanted to lick the cream off Loki’s skin too.  
  
*  
  
Even if it was done in complete and total silence, Steve loved having breakfast with Loki so the following night he was at his place, Steve got up early again. He still wanted Loki to feel comfortable, even if Steve was awake when he was still sleeping, so he left the alarm ready, and let the younger man wake up on his own.  
  
Steve could hear the alarm from the kitchen while he was frying some bacon. It took awhile for the alarm turning off and Loki finding his way to the kitchen.  
  
And as he was placing the plate with bacon on the table, Steve looked up and saw a very sleepy Loki, leaning against the door frame quizzically.  
  
“Good morning,” he said with a warm smile.  
  
“Hello,” Loki replied, sullen and sleepy.  
  
“I’m just finishing breakfast, please have a seat.”  
  
Loki opened his mouth to what Steve thought was going to be a complaint, but he heard him muttering “whatever” and did what he was asked to. The kitchen table was almost ready. There was milk, and coffee, toast, butter, and bacon set on it.  
  
“How would you like your eggs?”  
  
“Just... The way you’re having them,” Loki answered tiredly.  
  
“I know how I like them. I want to know how you would- “  
  
“I-” Loki started and then sighed loudly, “Scrambled, okay?”  
  
“I like them the same!” he informed Loki who looked at him with that look Steve hated, something between _I can’t stand you right now, but I’m too polite to tell you to fuck off, yet I’m failing at hiding it_ ,” and _I wanna get out of here please let me go_. And Loki wore it constantly.  
  
“Was it too hard to say it?”  
  
Loki rolled his eyes at Steve question, who turned his attention back to his cooking.  
  
After that morning, Steve always woke Loki up with breakfast ready, in the kitchen rather than it bed to make it a little more normal.  
  
Loki didn’t like it at first, Steve could tell. The second morning that Loki found Steve making breakfast again he just sat, resigned, the same way he did when he realized Steve was taking him home as much as his work allowed him to.  
  
*  
  
It was Thursday and he had the night off. Steve was happy since that meant yet another night with Loki. He was impatient about picking him up since he had gotten picked up by a stranger the previous night and hadn’t returned.  
  
Not even to have his mocha.  
  
That scared Steve since Loki always went there before going home, even the night he had gotten hurt. Steve was distressed, thinking that something bad could’ve happened. He even stayed at the coffee shop an hour after his shift ended. Clint stayed with him to calm him down, and Steve was grateful for that.  
  
But Loki didn’t show up. Clint assured him he was okay. He went back home, trying his best to believe Clint words. That’s why his heart stopped when he arrived to the corner to find that Loki was not there. Steve left the motorcycle in hurry, crossing the street entering to the coffee shop.  
  
Clint was already there, placing fresh brownies on the counter.  
  
“Have you seen Loki?” Steve asked trying his best to hide his desperation.  
  
“Whoa Steve, slow down.”  
  
“He’s not there. He didn’t come back yesterday and now he’s not there! Just, tell me you saw him, that he was there but someone just took him.”  
  
Clint stared at him with pity and worry in his eyes. “I didn’t see him,” Steve started freaking out silently and Clint added, “But I don’t really pay attention to him like you do, Steve, so he could be working and I just didn’t see him. Please, calm down.”  
  
Steve breathed deeply, trying to figure out what to do. “I’ll go to his place. Maybe he’s sick or hurt or something.”  
  
Clint nodded, rolling his eyes but wishing him luck as he left the shop.  
  
*  
  
He arrived at Loki’s building in less than five minutes. A bunch of really young kids were smoking weed in front of the open door, so Steve entered and ran up the stairs since the elevator wasn’t working.  
  
He had a déjà vu when he started knocking the door, calling Loki’s name loudly. Some people in the building yelled for him to shut up when he raised his voice even more seeing that he was getting no response.  
  
He was giving up thinking that Loki wasn’t there when he heard the sound of keys working on the door.  
  
“Oh, thank God!” Steve said as he saw Loki in front of him, and he felt his soul is coming back to his body. “Are you okay?! I was so worried!”  
  
Unconsciously he stepped inside Loki’s apartment to keep talking. “I thought something happened to you! You weren’t there yesterday and now today, I thought something had happened to you.”  
  
Loki closed the door behind him. The apartment was bathed in darkness and the only light came from the bathroom, with the door slightly ajar.  
  
 _Please, just say something to calm me down!_ Steve begged inside his head.  
  
“If all you want is watch a movie and let me sleep, you can take me anyways because I don’t think I’ll be able to do anything else.”  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Yes, I’m just tired,” Loki said yawning.  
  
Steve wanted to take Loki, but he looked indeed too tired and even that he was right; he just wanted to sleep beside him. Steve thought he should leave him to rest. “Okay. I’ll leave and let you rest, just let me go to the bathroom a second.”  
  
When he left the bathroom, he found Loki already sleeping on the couch. Steve took a closer look.  
  
He looked fine and didn’t seem to be hurt. The light was pretty bad but he couldn’t spot any bruises or signs of distress so he had to believe Loki when he said he was okay. Yet, he seemed very tired. Steve knew he was a heavy sleeper, but tonight Loki was really knocked out.  
  
“Loki,” Steve tried to wake him up “Loki, c’mon, go to bed, you shouldn’t sleep here.”  
  
Like always, Loki was totally unaware that there was a world outside of his dreamland and since Steve didn’t want Loki to sleep on the couch and wake up later feeling sore, he took the sleeping man in his arms and took him to his room.  
  
Despite the fact that he was tall, Loki was very light. Steve considered asking if he actually was eating every day. After placing him softly on his bed and covering him with blankets Steve thought about lying with Loki, at least for a little while, but Steve had already pissed him off and didn’t want to make things worse.  
  
He looked around the room to see a little of how Loki’s room looked like but he couldn’t really see anything in the darkness.  
  
The telephone rang and of course, Loki was never going to hear it, so Steve let it ring. He ran a hand through Loki’s hair, took a last look to his sleeping face and walked out the room. As the telephone stopped ringing, the answer machine turned on and Steve heard:  
  
 _“Hey, Jackie... I’m John. Don’t know if you remember my name. I’m the blonde one that was dressed in the suit. I got your phone number and I was thinking that what you did yesterday was amazing, and I wanted to set a meeting with you, you know, without the guys, to have you all to myself. My number is…”_  
  
The rest, Steve didn’t hear for his thoughts assaulted his brain.  
  
What the fuck? The _blonde one? The guys?_ How many guys had Loki been with last night and at the same time?  
  
 _No wonder Loki seems so worn out_ , he thought and immediately felt sick. Sicker than ever.  
  
It disturbed him to think about that. It was distressing enough seeing Loki every night getting into cars with random men, imagining what would happen next. But this was more than what Steve could cope with.  
  
And... _“Jackie”?_  
  
Steve walked to the answer machine. There were four more messages. Knowing it was wrong but whatever, he pressed the ‘Play’ button.  
  
 _“Hey Frankie…”_ Steve skipped to the next message before getting more disturbing information. _“Carl, it’s Peter, listen…”_ next _“Ryan, how you been?”_  
  
His knees slightly trembled not in the good way when he started wondering who this guy really was. Steve felt the urge to know his name. What was more upsetting than that was knowing he’d been lied to. It was all a lie; he was practically in love with that name and it was a fake. He needed the real one. The name was not going to reveal much more about the man who was sleeping deeply in the next room, he knew that.  
  
But he needed to know at least the real name of the man he was falling for, every day digging himself deeper and deeper. After checking one last time that “Loki” was still asleep, he hurried to the living room and started looking for, whatever, around the whole place.  
  
A wallet, a phone bill, anything with his name on it. Not Jackie, Frankie, Carl, Ryan or _Loki_.  
  
He found a little diary on the bookshelf. Actually, Steve noticed it was more like a day planner. Inside the pocket of the cover, he found his drivers license. “Loki” looked so young in the picture and at the same time not very different of the way he looked right now.  
  
Steve looked away for a few seconds before, needing to gain some strength before finding out the truth. The Truth. He snorted as he thought that. Obviously, he was overreacting but he couldn’t help it. After a few seconds, he finally dared to look at the card.

**  
Loki Odinson**

  
  
It wasn’t a lie. It made him extremely happy that he, Steve Rogers and not all those men, knew his real name. That must mean something. He needed it to mean something.  
  
He read the name over and over, but his smile banished suddenly when he saw Loki’s nacionality: Sweden. Steve felt the urge to ask him why he had left Sweden, what was doing in New York, why he left his family behind.  
  
Feeling numb, like if a bucket of frozen water had just fallen over his head, he found a chair and sat, placing his elbows on the table and lowering his head between his arms.  
  
Still distressed about Loki and wondering about how come such a man like that was on the streets whoring himself for living instead of going to college and have a family, Steve put the license back into the pocket. He started playing with the pages of the diary as his attention was focused on what Loki had written in his diary.  
  
13th March  
\- $100  
\- $50  
\- $80  
  
$1650 left  
  
He kept on checking similar things day by day. It seemed that here was the place Loki kept a record of his economic situation. But he found particularly curious entries as well:  
  
2th April  
SR = $0  
  
$2400 left  
  
Steve’s first thought was that SR was, of course, himself, But the $0.00 didn’t make any sense so he kept passing the pages randomly, running into the SR = $0 over and over.  
  
Since he didn’t remember the exact dates he’s been with Loki during the last weeks, he looked for the last time.  
  
“Last Friday,” Steve muttered for himself searching for the page.  
  
17th June  
SR = $0  
  
His mouth slightly opened in awe. Something was very wrong. The point of paying Loki was to help him to save money, without having to degrade himself to other people’s pleasures. So where was the money?  
  
Steve also started making numbers inside his head. If apparently Loki needed around a grand and a half to live… Just by staying with him, twice a week as he did he should be covered. If it was so, why did Loki keep working every day, being picked up by all those men?  
  
Steve heard a noise coming from the bedroom, and hurried up to close the diary and returned it to the place it was. On its way to the bookshelf, a piece of paper fell from the diary. Steve knelt to pick it up trying to make little noise.  
  
The bedroom was silent again; Steve took a deep breath, and took a look at the paper in his hand before putting it back to the diary.  
  
He found what could be the answer to his question. It was a receipt. A receipt of a money extraction of his own bank account. Steve can see it was from the first day he took Loki to his place.  
  
He usually never remembers dates, but that one in particular never was going to leave his head. It seemed that Loki had underlined the number of his bank account. His first thought had been staying at Loki’s place for awhile –not in his bed- just in case the younger man needed something.  
  
Now, he was desperate to clear his doubts, so he left the apartment quietly.

*  
  
Steve stopped by a cash machine before going back home. He wanted a receipt of the last transaction on his account. Once the cash machine gave him the receipt, Steve read it.  
  
All of the money he had taken out as Loki’s payments had been returned the next day.  
  
“Why, Loki?” he muttered as he ruined the paper with his hands, walking inside the car.  
  
He yelled “Damn!” hitting the wheel repeatedly for a while until he calmed down minutes later. He hated himself for not noticing before.  
  
Steve watched his money closely, but since he rented his apartment – with a great a discount he had to admit- he didn’t pay a lot of attention his accounts. He bought food and college books, the taxes paid themselves regularly, so didn’t never felt the need to check or keep track of them all the time.  
  
Now he had spent over two months, taking Loki to his place at least twice a week to realize that the money he was paying him was still in his possession. Taking Loki to his place was not helping him at all. Instead, he had been increasing his money issues by not allowing him to work for full nights.

Steve needed to talk with someone, he had to talk about what Loki had done. He fished his phone from his pocket and dialled a very well-known sequence of numbers.

"Hello?" Natasha answered from the other side of the line. "Steve?"

"Hey Nat... Hm, are you busy right now?" Steve asked, a little unsure and insecure. He was almost regretting ever calling her.

“No, I’m not. I’m heading home right now.” She answered and Steve could hear her heavy breathing. “Did something happen?”

"I need to talk," He admited, sighing. "About you know, what I've been doing with my life. _That_ thing."

"Oh no, no. Loki again? What have you done this time?" She asked, her tone rising a bit. "Steve, we've talked about it. I know you want to protect him, but you're wasting so much money on him! You're gonna be broke, oh my God."

"That's the point, Nat. I'm not wasting anything at all."

*

 

"Let's see if I got it all right," Natasha said, stirring her steaming chamomile tea. "You pick Loki up and brings him to your home twice a week, you watch movies together and he always sleeps half an hour into it. Then, you let him rest all night and make him breakfast on the morning after when he wakes up?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," Steve agrees, tapping his fingers rhythmically on the table. He was feeling guilty for not telling her about the feather-light touches during the night he did, but c'mon, he was already ashamed himself. He didn't need Natasha to look at him in that very deathly and disapproving way she always did when Steve did something stupid and make him feel worse.

"And you paid him two hundred bucks for it? Now you've found out that he's been returning everything you gave him the other day?"

"Yeah, I always give him the money when he leaves but yesterday he didn't show up at his "work" so I thought that he was sick or injured. Then I went to his apartment to check him out, to see if he needed help or something and he passed out while I went to the bathroom. I took him to bed and really, I'm not a meddling guy, you and Peggy and everyone knows it, but the phone rang and Loki is the heaviest sleeper I know so I didn't bother to turn it off but then the answer machine turned on and everything I knew about him crashed into tiny little pieces. There were men calling him to set up dates and they called him Ryan and Jackie and God, I thought he lied about his name to me... Because he's Loki, right? And then I looked for something, a bill, an ID, something and I found a driver's license and there he was, Loki, he didn't lie it. He didn't lie to me. I need it to mean something, Nat..."

"You're in love, Steve." Natasha whispered, smiling softly. "You're in love."

"I don't! Natasha, you got it all wrong," He said, his hands moving from the table to rest on his thighs. "I just care about him, about what he does with himself every night. He sells his body for whoever picks him up for money! It's degrading. It's sad. I know he wouldn't do what he does if he had a choice. He's wonderful, I can feel it, he just happens to be unfortunate. Yeah, he's gorgeous, I've got to admit it, but love? God, no." Steve said, his heart clenching inside his chest. It couldn't be love.

"Men are blind," The redhead simply said, rolling her eyes. "Men are all so stupid and blind. I hope you understand where you're getting into, Steve. You're not a kid, you're not a fifteen year old teenager in love with the prom king. You should, I don't know, stop and think why you're doing this. C'mon, this guy is trouble and you bend over backwards for him in exchange of nothing! Nothing, Steve. You should just stop doing this, you're going to get hurt."

"I'm already hurt," Steve sighed. "And it's not like it's going to get better. I'm already attached to him."

"Then I gotta tell you the truth," she said, gazing out into the glass window. "You're totally fucked."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so here's the new chapter. The fanfic is almost at the end but maybe I'm coming out with sequels. I don't know if I can promise it because I'm already developing 2 new fanfics but yeah, let's see. xx

"Do I really have to give you the money? Cause if you are going to put them back into my account by tomorrow, maybe we should save time, don’t you think?” Steve simply asked once they were in his apartment.

“I think I’d better go,” Loki said turning around, heading the door.  
  
“No!” Steve hurried and slammed the door at the same time Loki was opening it.  
  
“Steve Rogers, let me fucking go,” he muttered between his teeth not facing the other man.  
  
“Not until you tell me why you did this,” he said pressing the door closed, looking at Loki whose eyes were fixed to the doorknob.  
  
“Maybe I don’t want you to pay me to be with you,” Loki answered bitterly.  
  
“And what does that mean?!”  
  
Steve had the hope that Loki maybe was saying that he wanted to be with Steve without money involved. But Steve was awake not dreaming, and he was sure that Loki didn’t want his money because it felt an obligation to him.  
  
“What’s wrong with my money?! You take the money of horrible men who do awful things to you. Would it be worth it if we actually had sex?”

“I don’t want your fucking charity!” Loki raised his voice finally facing Steve. “I don’t want your fucking pity, I don’t want anything from you! I just want you to leave me alone!” He continued as he started smacking Steve’s chest.  
  
Loki was totally furious. So much that Steve was almost scared.  
  
The face of the man was red with anger, and he hit really hard but Steve didn’t want to stop him. He was used to seeing Loki completely void of emotion that he felt this was the best he could do— Let him release all the anger he felt.  
  
“I wish I never met you!” He yelled shoving Steve against the wall. His back hurt as well his head, but he forgot any pain as he saw Loki quickly turning away towards the door once again.  
  
He hurried and wrapped his arms tightly around Loki to stop any movement from the younger man.  
  
“Please…” Loki begged his voice was becoming thinner and Steve thought he’s about to cry. “Let me go. You’re ruining me.” He continued before proving Steve was right by bursting into tears.  
  
Steve froze at Loki’s reaction.  
  
He felt Loki’s body grow heavier. He was letting himself fall to the floor, but Steve didn’t let go. He just went down with him. Loki ended up sitting on the floor with his body bent forward, with Steve kneeling down, holding him tightly from behind.  
  
Loki continued crying inconsolably for several minutes. Steve didn’t say a thing since he always considered that it was better to cry and let go. Words of comfort always come after the crying for the act in itself is personal and should not be interrupted.  
  
When Loki calmed down a bit, he finally spoke. “The more I’m with you; the worse it is to go back to work the following day,” Loki said with a quivering voice. “I never liked to do like this, but I never knew better. At least not until you came. It makes me so sick when I’m with them after being with you. You can’t even imagine it.”  
  
His voice was almost soft in the end, Steve figured he was about to cry again, so he held him tighter just to let him know that he was there for him.  
  
“I built walls around myself so that this wouldn’t affect me, but you’re bringing them down. Being with you just makes me appreciate how horrible my life is, and all the things I want and will never have.”  
  
Loki’s confession was hitting him badly. The more Loki spoke the dizzier he felt because, on the one hand, he always wished Loki would consider him as something more than a stranger, but he was clearly hurting Loki and it was devastating to see him so wretched.  
  
He had never heard Loki speak this much either. Before he could reply anything and make sense of his words, Loki spoke again.  
  
“You know, every morning when I go back home, I go to the roof first. I step on the edge thinking that death is the only way out,”  
  
Steve’s heart flipped a bit, feeling cold and beating irregularly once he heard what Loki said.  
  
“But I never jump. I just think that maybe you are going to have your night off and you’ll pick me up, and how much I’d love to be with you one last time.”  
  
“I thought you hated me,” Steve finally managed to speak after a few moments of silence.  
  
“You are the only good thing that has ever happened to me, Steve Rogers. How could I ever hate you?” Loki said defeated.  
  
Steve rested his forehead on Loki’s shoulder saying nothing. He wanted to, but he didn’t know what to say.  
  
He had always hoped Loki would like him. But at the same time, the coldness of the other man he was holding always made him think that he disgusted him, just like any other client. It was overpowering to only now be aware of his true feelings. Loki was so troubled and distressed, but he did like Steve and that was all invitation Steve needed to try to make Loki better. He wanted to fix him now more than ever.  
  
To replace words, Steve placed a soft kiss on the back of Loki’s neck that made the man shiver. Then he placed another and another.  
  
“Please stop,” Loki pleaded yet tilting his neck to give Steve better access to keep on kissing him.  
  
Steve put his hand on Loki’s cheek and turned his face to make him look at him, but Loki refused to meet his eyes.  
  
“Loki, look at me,” Steve asked, but the man ignored. “Loki. C’mon.”  
  
He looked up and their eyes met without a need for words. They just held the intense look for what seemed to be ages.  
  
“Fuck, just kiss me already,” Loki said, hopelessly desperate.  
  
Steve satisfied Loki’s plea right away, so hard that Steve ended up with his back against the floor with Loki on top of him, kissing him passionately. It took a second for Steve to kiss him back with the same amount of need and desperation.  
  
Steve ran his hands under Loki shirt, caressing all his back and then tried to take it off.  
  
“Bed,” Loki whispered as they broke the kiss to gain some air.  
  
                                                                                                         *  
   
Steve didn’t know what to do. He was in front of Loki’s naked body in his bed, and he was nothing like in his dreams. He was way much better.  
  
Probably his silence was making Loki uneasy for he asks, “Am I okay?”  
  
His trance was broken with Loki’s soft voice. He looked up to face him and he could see how nervous he was, biting his lower lip.  
  
Loki crawled to the end of the bed, where Steve was standing dumbly and kneeled down in front of the other man as he sat against the headboard, starting to open the buttons of his shirt slowly.  
  
He felt Loki’s warm hands running up and down his naked chest, kissing it gently and fondling every portion of skin. Then he took Steve by his neck pulling him down bringing his lips closer to kiss him softly.  
  
Instead Steve kissed back hungrily, compensating the lack of action seconds before, holding tightly the man in his arms.  
  
Without breaking their wet kiss, Steve finished taking off his shirt, and pushed Loki down to the bed as he crawled over him to claim his mouth once again.  
  
“You woke up!” Loki said amused, laughing briefly breaking the kiss to take some air.  
  
And Steve thought he was going to die for real this time. His eyes opened widely just like his mouth. He felt he had a stroke.  
  
“What?” Asked the man above him, watching him suddenly motionless.  
  
“Your laugh,” Steve said still amazed.  
  
Loki smiled and blushed.  
  
“And smile,” he ran his finger over the smiling lips of the man.  
  
Clint used to mock him all time saying “The things you do for love,” referring to him and Loki. But Steve never thought he was in love. You cannot love someone you don’t know, Steve always said. To love someone, you have to know that person. You have to know all the good and all of the bad. He believed you fall for someone’s qualities, but the flaws are the ones that keep you closer.  
  
Steve was clueless about Loki. For the first time he had seen Loki crying, yelling, nervous, blushing, broken, laughing and smiling, all together in less than half an hour.  
  
It was too overwhelming. It was wonderful.  
  
The very second he saw Loki’s smile he quickly imagined himself spending the rest of his life with him, constantly trying to think of new things that would make him happy. He had never seen such an astonishing smile. Maybe he wasn’t in love with Loki yet, but he definitely fell in love with that mental image.  
  
“Stop that,” Loki laughed again. “You’re making me blush!”  
  
“You are incredibly beautiful,” Steve whispered in a serious tone.  
  
Loki preferred being playful.“You’re not bad yourself.”  
  
“No?” Steve grinned again. Loki’s smile was terribly contagious.  
  
“Nope, you’re actually in great shape.”  
  
“Good to know,” Steve kissed Loki’s lips sweetly.  
  
After kissing him tenderly, he moved to his jaw and then focused on his soft neck.  
  
"What are you doing?" Loki asked when his kisses moved all down to his torso reaching his hips.  
  
Steve looked up, a little mischievously. “What do you think?”  
  
"You don't have to, okay? I'm the one who does that."  
  
Those words killed Steve’s mood. He crawled back over Loki, positioning himself atop him, facing him with a completely serious expression.  
  
"You are not my hoo-you know what I mean, “Steve struggled with the word. “With me, you’re Loki okay?" Steve said evenly.  
  
Loki copied his serious expression, almost giving him the look and as even as Steve was, he started saying:  
  
"I am a-"  
  
"Don't care if you are one. You are not mine.”  
  
Loki turned his face to the side, avoiding looking at Steve. Steve’s face was a few inches away from his, and he didn’t want to look at him, obviously uncomfortable and maybe hurt too.  
  
“Hey,” Steve said kissing softly the skin below Loki’s ear. “I’m sorry, I just- I want you to feel good, I want to make you feel good. I want tonight to be all about you.”  
  
“But I want you to enjoy it too,” Loki said quietly.  
  
Steve held Loki’s chin moving it to make him face him. “Do you think I’m not enjoying this?” he asked grinning.  
  
Loki bit his lower lip; Steve kissed him quickly and went down on him once again, to resume his task.  
  
Steve carefully slipped Loki’s cock in and engulfed it with his warm and moist mouth.  
  
He ran his tongue over it and moved up and down it slowly and licked his way up, feeling Loki shivering. As he looked up, he could see Loki leaning back and putting his head on the pillow closing his eyes, after smiling to himself he took Loki’s cock into his mouth again.  
  
Slowly at first, but then building the pace, Steve sucked him off. He would sometimes pause at the head and work it over with his tongue while his hand worked the base, and sometimes he would suck long and hard, to mix things up.  
  
Within the first couple of minutes, Loki had to think about some boring thing that would not excite him so he could hold out as long as possible. Finally as he couldn't take the pace anymore he pulled Steve off of his cock, breathing heavily and cheeks flushed.  
  
"Stop, I-I don't want to come yet…"  
  
“Why not? We have all night,” Steve smiled, taking Loki’s cock in his mouth again, sucking even harder.  
  
“Oh, fuck,” Loki claimed, seconds later coming hard inside Steve’s mouth.  
  
Steve crawled up to the bed leaning back against a pillow. He turned to watch Loki who was trying to regain his breath. Steve leaned over to him kissing him softly and went back to his previous position.  
  
“You swallowed?” Loki opened his eyes looking at him puzzled. Probably he had tasted himself in the kiss.

  
Steve smiled and shrugged.  
  
“Are you crazy?” Loki laughed half horrified - half amazed. “I’m a whore, I could have lots of STDs, I mean, I know I don’t, but-”  
  
“Loki, please. Stop that, okay?” Steve asked almost begging. “Can we just push that aside just for awhile?”  
  
“It’s what I am, Steve Rogers. How can I separate what I am?” Loki asked sadly.  
  
“You are Loki Odinson,” Steve started and Loki’s eyes opened widely. “I read your driver’s license,” Steve explained and before Loki opened his mouth to object, Steve continued. “You are a beautiful man, as for what I can see, you are sweet, loving and smart cause I loved the books in your bookshelf and all the movies you’ve chosen. You are sensible and an incredible, strong person who happens to have an unfortunate job.”  
  
Loki bit his lower lip, breathing evenly and Steve could see a tear rolling down his cheek, so he moved to kiss it away.  
  
In the following second, Loki startled him with his aggressiveness and pushed him back to bed kissing him in the most intense way Steve ever experienced. He stopped kissing him and looked down into his eyes. Steve was still lying on his back.  
  
"I want you so badly," Loki confessed, in a hot whisper. His face was serious and his eyes looking everywhere like he wasn’t sure where to start. He looked lost but filled with an intense desire. Then he smiled and kissed Steve softly on the forehead.  
  
They kissed for what felt like ages. Biting, licking and never ending moans filled the bedroom. Steve felt like a teenager, fearing that we’d come in his pants when Loki started to rub his hand on his cock. Loki kissed and licked his length, feather-like touches that made Steve shiver and bite his lips, suppressing embarrassing moans. After all the tease, Steve wanted to get up to get into a position to fuck him. Instead Loki pushed him back down onto the bed, with mischievous green eyes.  
  
“Stay down, mister.”  
  
Then he slowly started to sit down on Steve’s cock. Steve grabbed his waist and helped guide him as he slowly lowered himself onto his cock. It went in without too much trouble and he scrunched his face just a bit out of pain as the head popped in. He lowered himself down further and Steve was amazed as he sat all the way down. His face was contorted but as Steve’s cock went in all the way he leaned his head back and moaned with pleasure as the pain faded away into bliss.  
  
Loki put his hands onto his chest and leaned back and then forward feeling the strain of Steve’s cock inside his body. He moaned again and rubbed his chest. Steve pushed up gently, straining to get inside him even more. He moved up with his thrust and held his body up as Steve’s body came back down onto the bed. Both moaned with pleasure this time. He sat up and then back down and Steve picked up his pace and thrust his hips up when his body came down, and back when his body moved up.  
  
They moved slowly at first and then Loki opened his eyes and looked into Steve’s.  
  
Loki started to move up and down on his cock pushing it in and out at a furious pace with closed eyes.  
  
They couldn’t be closer, yet Steve couldn’t stand having Loki’s face so far still Steve closed his eyes and sat back. Loki understood Steve’s plan so he moved up to give him space to cross his legs beneath him.  
  
“I was missing you,” Steve whispered into Loki lips, wrapping his back with his arms.  
  
Loki smiled and started riding him with open eyes, to hold the eye contact with Steve who was looking at him dreamily.  
  
Between smiles of pleasure, he was groaning and moaning. Steve thought it was unbelievable to see Loki in such an excited mood.  
  
Loki looked down at Steve with a breathless smile and kissed him. As Steve answered, Loki stopped his movements to focus just on their wet, deep but slow kiss.  
  
In the right moment they broke apart, Loki grinned and started his movements again.  
Every time he came back down hard onto Steve, Steve could feel his body was about to explode in pleasure.  
  
Steve reached out and took Loki’s cock into his hands and stroked him a couple of times, feeling the pre-cum that was leaking out of it onto his own stomach. Steve licked his own hand and got it all wet, starting to massage Loki.  
  
Loki was moving up and down on his cock furiously. Steve slipped his hand back and forth over his cock and Loki soon grabbed his hand and pulled off. He put his hand up to Steve’s face and kissed it softly.  
  
“I don’t want to come yet.”  
  
Every time Steve got too close to orgasm he would close his eyes and bite his lip hard and think of something that required concentration. Loki saw what Steve was doing and would slow the pace just enough until he could get back under control.  
  
Steve’s hands caressed whatever part of his body he could reach, although he avoided his cock because he wasn't sure he wanted him to come just yet either.  
  
Finally as his hands were moving across Loki’s chest he couldn't take the fire and the pressure that was building up in his cock and moaned that he was going to come whether or not he was ready.  
  
Loki thrust up and down hard once more, almost coming all the way off Steve’s cock before heading back down. Then he moved off of Steve kneeled between his legs, just as the first hot spurts of his cum came ripping out.  
  
Loki quickly swallowed his cock and gulped down the rest of his load, not missing a single drop. Steve lay back on the bed exhausted as his body convulsed and twisted as Loki worked every drop out of his grateful and aching cock.  
  
Steve realized he was gasping for breath and he exhaled deeply the air he had been holding and then inhaled deeply.  
  
His eyes were closed and his head was leaning back against the pillow trying to recover from the best orgasm he had ever had. But he reached up blindly and found Loki’s panting and sweating body and pulled him back to him so that he was lying on top of him once again.  
  
"That was amazing," Steve said.  
  
Loki just snuggled his face into Steve’s and gently took some of the soft skin of his neck into his mouth.  
  
Steve pulled him into a tight embrace, keeping him close to his body.  
  
They lay there for a few minutes as they both recovered their breath.  
  
Loki’s skin was salty from the sweat and he was warm to the touch, but he still smelled and tasted like a man, like a wonderful, beautiful man.  
  
Steve felt like he was in heaven. He could not get enough of Loki.  
  
                                                                                                        *  
  
  
Steve was resting his head over Loki bare chest. He failed at remembering feeling so content like in that very moment, having Loki stoking his hair. Now he knew why Gus loved Loki so much.  
  
Yet, he couldn’t help it. He knew it could ruin the perfect moment but he asked, “Why didn’t you take my money?”  
  
Loki sighed. “Why does it upset you? I didn’t want your money. And it was not because we didn’t have sex,” he said firmly.  
  
Steve looked up to meet Loki, who was looking at him seriously.  
  
“I didn’t want you to become one of them. You’re not a client.”  
  
They were still holding the look—Loki’s was sullen and Steve’s a little sorrowful—until Steve rested his cheek on Loki’s chest again until his hair was stroked again  
  
“And besides, I would have been robbing you shamelessly! Two hundred bucks!?” Loki laughed, “I don’t even know what I’d have to do to get that much in one night, let alone with a single man!!”  
  
Loki was truly amused, but Steve did not welcome the comment. If it was upsetting that he needed to exchange sex for money, it was worse to know he received such miserable pay for what he did.  
  
“I just said the first impossible number I could think about. I was expecting you to think it was too much, and not take me,” Loki continued.  
  
“I didn’t think it was too much,” Steve admitted quietly.  
  
“This is not the richest part of the town, you know. I have to ask for what I can get, otherwise I’d starve. But let’s not talk about all that, okay?”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Hey, come here,” he ordered and Steve complied crawling over him. Loki took his face with both hands, making their eyes meet. “Just don’t be troubled, okay?” he said softly pecking Steve’s lips then his nose, cheeks, forehead and when he pecked his lips once again, Steve prolonged the kiss making his tongue meet Loki’s.  
  
“Hm, I think someone is horny…” Loki teased breaking the kiss. “And it’s not me...” he said as Steve started kissing his jaw line.  
  
“Well, I’ll have to fix that, don’t you think?” Steve grinned.  
  
“Again?” Loki laughed in surprise. “I came twice in one hour! I’m pretty tired!” It didn’t bother Steve at all, since his kisses kept moving lower and lower.  
  
Loki couldn’t help moaning loudly when Steve moved down to his neck. He loved to do that because it was clear that it was Loki’s favorite place to be kissed.  
  
“Just take me already,” Loki pleaded as Steve kept devouring his skin.

"Bossy," Steve laughed. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

They cuddled in bed for awhile after what Steve would totally call lovemaking, but he didn’t say it out loud in case it would freak Loki out.  
  
They were kissing softly and Steve was evidently tired.  
  
“Sleep now,” Loki told him quietly, removing the hair Steve had over his forehead. The blond man smiled and nodded.  
  
He pressed himself against Loki’s body, relaxing as he felt Loki’s arms holding him. Loki ran his hand over his back softly and for first time in years, Steve fell asleep with the moon in the sky, totally unaware that this time he wasn’t the one staying awake all night, watching another man laying on his side sleep.  
  
                                                               *  
  
Loki wasn’t in bed when Steve woke up in the morning.  
  
“Loki?” he asked, waiting for him to answer from the bathroom or the kitchen. He hoped Loki wouldn’t have left.  
  
Hearing nothing, Steve found his boxers at the end of the bed, put them on and walked around the apartment in search of him. It had been a perfect night. Steve couldn’t understand why Loki decided to leave without even saying goodbye. Yet, he found a note under his pillow that he hadn’t seen when he got up.  
  
 _You’ll understand it will be impossible to resume my life now. I can’t go back to hell having tasted heaven. I refuse to. But I’m so grateful. You’d never know how much because I wouldn’t be able to explain it even if I wanted to. I won’t leave the world, without knowing what it’s like to feel good. And that puts me at ease. I never felt so much in peace._  
  
Thank you, Steve Rogers.  
  
Eternally yours,  
  
Loki.  
  
Oh, fuck.  
  
Steve arrived at Loki building in record time. No ambulances or something odd around Loki’s building. It had to be a good sign.  
  
He went to the door and quickly pressed the third button beside the old and deteriorating sign that said “Odinson.”  
  
Nobody answered. Steve couldn’t get into the building and he had a bad feeling that Loki must be on the roof. He was nearly desperate when an old lady came out. Steve moved to ask her to get in, but she looked at him with apprehension.

“I’m here to see Loki Odinson, he lives on the second floor,” Steve explained.  
  
“Are you a client? He never takes men to his apartment,” the old lady said still looking with the same cold eyes.  
  
“What? No! I’m not, I’m just-” and Steve didn’t know what to say, since their relationship was still undefined. “I’m a friend. I need to see him, but I don’t think he can hear the bell.”  
  
The old lady was now looking suspiciously. “Are you by chance, Steve?” she asked narrowing her eyes.  
  
Steve’s blue eyes opened widely. How come that woman knew him name? Had Loki been talking about him?  
  
“I am, actually.”  
  
“Oh!” She was smiling now. “Finally we met! Loki has been talking about you all time for months!”  
  
“I...” Steve was wordless.  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m his neighbor. I live next door to him. He always comes for a cup of tea with me, because, you know, he has been alone for so long. He talks and talks about this amazing Steve, I was really looking forward meeting the man that was making Loki so happy. I never saw him that happy. Actually, I’ve never seen him happy at all in the past.”  
  
It overwhelmed Steve to hear that. Loki was happy because of him. Loki was indeed the best actor ever. Steve could just mumble a “Nice to meet you then, ma’am,” in his attempt to be kind covering his nervousness inside.  
  
He was just discovering that Loki liked him since the very beginning and he was probably about to jump from off the roof. He needed to get there soon.  
  
“Well, come in! I’m glad I finally met this wonderful man! Tell Loki I said hi and please, come with Loki next time to have some tea. I’ll make a strawberry cake since it's his favorite.” She said smiling and pinching his cheek.

Steve suddenly felt like he was five years old again. The lady stepped out and he stepped in, running to the elevator which Thank God, worked this time, knowing that he was in no emotionally self-control to climb ten floors. If he did, Loki would die in the meanwhile and it would probably be from age.  
  
When he arrived to the roof Steve took a fast look around the place, spotting Loki sitting on the edge of the farthest corner, back to him.  
  
Steve stepped cautiously trying not to make noise and quickly walked in silence to the still Loki. He didn’t want to scare him, but he wanted to get him before he could decide it was time to jump.

“Please don’t do it,” Steve said softly.  
  
Loki looked at his side, not even surprised by Steve’s presence and replied with sleepy green eyes and a quiet voice. “Why not? I was actually thinking I never wanted to do it as much as I do now.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“This has to end before things turn bad again. I want to hold this feeling forever.”  
  
“What feeling?” Steve leaned to the edge of the roof besides Loki.  
  
He was going to take the idea of killing himself out of Loki’s head. Loki could of course end the conversation by jumping, but at least he was talking and Steve was not distracted and close to the other man, watching his motionless form in case of any fast or sudden movement.  
  
Loki sighed and answered. “I don’t know. Comfort, happiness, contentment. All in one. I can’t reallly explain it.”  
  
“You can hold all this by living instead of killing yourself.”  
  
Loki snorted and laughed. “Obviously you don’t know my life.”  
  
“I don’t," He agreed. "But isn’t it obvious I want to know you? After all this, all this time, didn’t it ever pass through your mind that I might be a little interested in you?”  
  
Loki didn’t answer. He just looked down and Steve got even closer to Loki just in case, just to make sure he could stop him if he suddenly moved. “Please, I’d love to make all those feelings last.”  
  
“Why? I’m nothing.”  
  
“Loki, please. You’re everything to me, and I know what you think and I don’t care, I want to be with you. Just get down from there please because it’s killing me,” Steve said truly scared of seeing Loki there. “Let me make you happy or at least try to,” he said with his voice quivering, approaching Loki. “Please.”

Steve sat on the floor with his legs extended, leaning his back to the edge of the roof. Loki was at his side, looking around, a tear falling and running through his right cheek.

“You know, sometimes I think  I was born backwards,” Loki said, looking to the stary dark sky. “I don’t get along with my family, I never did, actually. I’m adopted and somehow I believe that this made all the difference. My father always preferred my older brother over me. Of course, Thor is his true son by blood and stuff. My mother was the only one who cared about me those days. She was so loving and sweet... I really miss her."

"My dad was an alcoholic and died of a heart attack when I was six. My mom thought that he may have given up life. Then she died when I was a teenager. Luckily, Bucky's mom helped me out at the time. He's a friend of mine since I was a kid."

"You never mentioned him," Loki pointed. 

"I've never mentioned you anything, did I?" Steve asked, half smiling. "We don't do a lot of talking. If you aren't playing the one who hates me, we're kissing and making love in my bed." He laughed slightly.

"Indeed." Loki whispered with a soft smile. "So, this Bucky guy, does he know about us?"

"Yes," Steve said. "Not as much as Tasha and Clint, but he does. Bucky is now working overseas, we haven't been talking too much. Besides, between college and work and you, I don't get much of spare time to chat with him." He laughed again. "Peggy does know about you too. She's my friend, she studies art with me."

"Art," Loki echoed. "I never knew you studied art."

"You never asked."

"I should have known," Loki gave a step backwards and Steve felt a wave of relief. "Art is just for sensitive people. People who still see beauty even in ugliness." 

"Everything is beautiful in its own way." Steve said, pursing his lips. 

"So what do you do?" He asked. "Do you draw? Do you paint?"

"Both. But I'm not that good, you know." 

"I doubt that. I'm sure your work is fascinating."

"I've drawed you." Steve confessed, cheeks on fire. "Twice."

"Really? Would you let me see?"

"Maybe," Steve cocked his head. "Would you come here and sit beside me?" He asked, pointing to the place where he was standing.

Loki sit with his body pressed to Steve’s and his head rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His arms were around Steve, and Steve was holding him the same way.  
  
“Your shirt is inside out,” Loki said quietly and Steve snorted.  
  
“You’re lucky I actually managed to get dressed,” Steve admitted. “I was desperate to get here. I was so scared.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
“It would be nice to see you naked again though.”  
  
“I don’t know if your neighbors would be too excited about that, especially that old lady who lives next to you.”  
  
“Mrs. Hanson?” Loki asked, puzzled.  
  
“Yeah, she let me in. And she said some interesting things,” Loki looked at him. “So I’m this amazing _Steve guy_.”  
  
Loki grew completely red and looked away. Steve had never seen anything quite as cute.  
  
“You liked me all along and refused to talk to me. You never called me Steve without saying my last name, and she knows me as ‘Steve’. You made things hard, you know?”  
  
“I didn’t want to get attached. I mean, I obviously did but the last and only time I followed my feelings I ended up running away from home, dropping out of school, losing my family and whoring myself just to get dumped a little while after all that. It was the worst decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t want to make it any worse, if that’s even possible.”  
  
Steve tried not to react at knowing slightly more about Loki’s past. It wasn’t time to bring bad memories; he just wanted Loki to feel okay. They would talk about that some other time.  
  
“Hey, I’m not complaining. I love hearing your voice now. It was totally worth the wait. And I wouldn’t mind if you called me Steve.”  
  
“I will. Promise,” Loki said smiling.  
  
“You tired?”  
  
“A little. I couldn’t really sleep last night. You are very distracting when you sleep.”  
  
Steve took Loki’s face softly in his hands and gently kissed him. They kissed slowly and deeply for several minutes.  
  
“I could kiss you forever,” Steve confessed over the lips of the man.  
  
Loki smiled. “I wouldn’t mind,” he replied. Loki pecked his lips once more, and rested his head back on Steve’s chest.  
  
Steve thought it was a perfect moment to say “I love you”, because even if he Loki didn't feel like that completely, it would’ve fit perfectly.  
  
Yet, he considered that Loki wasn’t ready to hear that. Loki’s life was about to change drastically. First of all, Steve was definitely going to make him stop working on the streets. If money was the issue, they were going to find a way out, but he was aware that it would be hard to make Loki to accept the help, especially if it was just money.  
  
He would try to make Loki to move with him. It was a big step, but his building was destroyed, horrible and depressing. And having no rent to pay could save money.  
  
Gus would be so happy.  
  
Knowing now that Loki hadn’t finished his studies, he wanted him to do that. To study something he really liked so he could work doing something he enjoyed.  
  
Steve realized how far his mind went and he felt a little silly but he smiled. He looked down and found Loki asleep, breathing quietly. His smile got wider.  
  
Then he thought that would be a problem. Waking Loki up was always hard work and he didn’t have the alarm clock there. He resumed his daydreaming about life, Loki and their possible life together. Steve concluded what his main goal was: making Loki ready to receive those three words Steve wanted to say so much.  
  
And maybe, if he was lucky, he would hear them back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the story is over *cries*. Hope you liked it! Maybe - maybe - there will be a sequel, a PWP because I love those - who doesn't love porn? - and sorry for this cliché and dull ending but I needed a fluffy happy ending because my heart can't take angst anymore. Ok, so thank you all for the kudos and comments! Hope we see each other soon! And if someone here likes Stony, I'm writing a fanfic with lots of angst and porn and I'll be posting it soon so yeah, check it out! Bye xx


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